I haven’t uploaded a video to my YouTube channel since the start of November. Considering I'd promised that I’d upload once a week, I’d say even if I was being kind to myself, that's pretty shite.
I’ve always felt quite conflicted about YouTube. On the one hand it’s a big money earner and a huge step up in terms of increasing your digital presence, online reach and influence. It’s the natural progression for most bloggers and influencers who want to push their earning potential and attract bigger collaborations, as well as carving out a more defined career path and direction in terms of content. It’s also growing - fast - whereas conventional readership across blog platforms is arguably falling. In short: it’s a wise career move.
Here’s the problem, however.
I really don’t enjoy it.
Filming and editing feels like a massive chore for me, and I often struggle to find concepts which I wouldn’t prefer to just write about. I also never watch YouTube, and if I do, the only things I’m properly interested in are hauls and someone talking about feminism and their vagina. And since I’d really rather write at length about boobs and orgasms and the difference between equality and equity, all I’m left with is haul after haul after haul. That’s great and all, but contrary to popular belief, I don’t buy that much stuff, and certainly not enough to fill weekly hauls. Of course I could request endless samples from endless brands, but then I wouldn’t have enough time to wear half of the stuff that landed on my doorstep so it would all be bullshit anyway.
I’m not a great speaker. I find it difficult to articulate what I could communicate much more eloquently through the written word, and I miss the fine-tuning and perfecting that comes with proof-reading posts. I’m introspective and I think before I speak, so when it comes to filming, I’m not great at relaxing and letting the words flow, and not re-filming the same two fucking sentences time and time again *le sigh*.
There’s a closeness and intimacy in writing that I can never come close to replicating on film. Whatever I write - whether it’s a fluffy, light-hearted piece on my favourite blazers, or an honest discussion about my relationship with my body and mind - the process of somebody reading and turning the words over in their head is so much more personal than having a haul playing in the background whilst they get ready.
And there’s no denying that the way we consume content is getting faster, quicker, shorter and more digestible, so it makes sense that video is booming whilst longer, wordier pieces are possibly falling short. Instagram stories, Snapchat, live streaming - we want information now, and we want it easy. Which makes sense, when you consider how fast-paced most of our lives are, right? But there’s just no soul in YouTube for me (and that's entirely personal - I'm not saying YouTube is devoid of soul entirely because it's an incredible platform). I’m sentimental and I need purpose - good purpose - and when I publish videos, I can’t shift the feeling that I’m just trying to push affiliate links, make a bit of cash and hopefully attract a lucrative collaboration in the process.
It’s a tough one. On the one hand I don’t particularly enjoy YouTube and it doesn’t fulfil me, but on the other hand, it’s good for business (and as much as I love my career, it is a business and I do have to think about what I’m earning and financial security) and, actually, not everything about what I do is going to be enjoyable - that’s just the way work is.
At the moment, however, my patience river has run dry. Nothing could compel me to set my tripod up within the next few weeks, aside from a sexy offer from Topshop, perhaps. Even when it comes to sharing what I was kindly gifted for Christmas or some of my favourite sale items come Boxing Day, I’d much rather have a quick catch up with you on Instagram Stories than go through the laborious and stressful process of making sure my hair looks okay and that the lighting is good and shit, did I actually press record?
For some people, YouTube is their jam. They can make anything interesting, and make anything look good. I, unfortunately, am not one of those people. I can’t make videos about how to wear certain items because they’d be ridiculously short - you just put said item on..? I can’t make videos about personal issues or of-the-moment topics, because I’d rather write about them. I can’t make videos about the latest items I’ve bought because I don’t have the bank balance to support a constant stream of new, new, new, and anyway, once I’ve held an item up and said where it’s from, I’m at a loss for things to say about it because for the most part, a red jumper is just a red jumper.
So there we have it, my confession and my departure. Realistically I feel I’ll have to pick YouTube up in the future and put more effort into it than a few hours in front of bedroom window (investing in the Olympus Pen extension which means I can actually ~ see ~ the screen whilst I’m filming would probably be a start), but for now, I want to enjoy what I love whilst I still have the freedom to do so - writing.
And on that note, it would be really helpful to hear what you like to read. Once I get stuck into writing I find it difficult to stop before hitting a 1000 words, so do let me know if you’d like to see some more smaller, toilet-break friendly content alongside my usual meaty stuff. Topic-wise it’s going to be the same old stuff that I’m passionate about - good sex, good laughs and a heck load of self love - but if there’s anything that comes to mind which you’d like to possibly explore, just pop it down below or give me a lil’ nudge on social media and we can have a good old chin-wag about it.
Until next time lovelies x
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