I Hope The Gucci Dionysus Isn’t Dead Because I Just Fucking Bought One

So, I bought another bag.

It was an early Christmas treat to myself (originally intended to be a post-Christmas treat, but I’m very impatient and those extra seven days felt like a lifetime) and something I’d been debating over for months, so after numerous ‘what do you think?’ texts sent to every person whose opinion I value, I bit the bullet and submitted the order. The bag arrived from Italy three days later, and I instantly took to protecting it like a mother does her child (I made Keiran wash and dry his hands before touching it, and when I eventually let him, every other second was interspersed with a strained ‘please be careful Keiran’ and panicked expression).

I do feel slightly uneasy about sharing such an expensive item online, however. Heck, I feel slightly uneasy about sharing it in real life. Whenever a luxury item is bought, it’s inevitable that the first thing most people will ask is ‘so how much was it?’, and whilst to some extent it is expected, it is also slightly intrusive. This bag ~ is ~ expensive - wildly so - and although to other people who work in my industry, designer items aren’t uncommon, to my family, friends, and friends of friends who are still trying to get their head around what I do, spending so much money on something that looks slightly underwhelming is madness. With that in mind, I know that as soon as I reveal the price, I'm going to be faced with a 'you what?' reaction and the feeling that I'm obliged to spend the next ten minutes justifying my purchase and explaining why I made it. I feel like I'm being judged, because I am.

There’s always going to be judgement from either side - from those outside of blogging, and those within it. Outside of the blogosphere, I fear that people will question why I haven’t spent that money elsewhere (‘why doesn’t she learn to drive?’, ‘why doesn’t she save it for a deposit?’, ‘does she really need another bag?’), and from those inside the industry, I fear the quiet but ever-present snobbery that surrounds what’s “on trend” and what isn’t (‘oh my god I’m so sick of seeing ~ that ~ bag’, ‘why did she choose that over x, y or z?’, ‘it’s the bag that EVERYBODY has’).

And usually it’s so outside of my character to care what other people think, but when I’d ordered the bag and Keiran asked how much it was, I pleaded with him to not tell anybody else, and for the most part, I’ve really tried to keep the price under wraps myself. It’s not that I feel guilty, because 2017 has been the best year of my life so far and as it all draws to a close, I wanted to treat myself to something I love, and that feels justified. So many big life moments came to a head in the past year - from quitting my job and working for myself full-time, to moving out with the person I love and learning that sometimes, even when you adore the bones of each other, you’re going to tell each other to fuck off every now and then - and this gift to myself was a symbol and culmination of that.

But a little bit of me still feels conflicted. I remember how frustrating it felt seeing influencers and bloggers bandying around thousand pound bags as if they were nothing, whilst I was eating cheesy pasta every day at uni and wondering if I’d ever be able to buy Topshop jeans without wincing at the £40+ price tag. I used to instantly unfollow anybody that referred to a £100+ coat as affordable, and rolled my eyes at the stream of Maldives holidays and ridiculously expensive swimwear that would frequent my feed every summer. I felt that these people were so far removed from the reality of what was affordable and what was expensive, that they had no concept of what it was like to feel sick about a credit card bill or unauthorised overdraft letters from the bank before payday.

Gucci Dionysus Leather Shoulder Bag

And even though I’m now in a position where, every year or so I can treat myself to a luxury item, I never want to lose that appreciation for the fact that is ~ is ~ luxury, and that it ~ is ~ expensive. I appreciate that I am in a privileged position to be able to buy something so special, and I hope that both you guys and the people around me know that I don't take it lightly. I’ve said it a million times before but I’ll say it again: I grew up in a single-parent, council-house family and got my first job on a burger van at 13, wearing £30 extensions and concealer for lipstick - I never dreamed I would own a MacBook (even on finance, as mine is now), let alone a Gucci bag. I have worked hard, but I’ve also been really lucky, and more often than not, when I’m reflecting on what I do, I can’t fucking believe it’s legit. That's the God's honest truth.

So this post is catharsis. I’m admonishing my own ill-feeling, and declaring that yes, I did buy something expensive, and no, I’m not rich (by any stretch of the imagination, trust me). Yes, I will wear the bag to the Co-Op because no, I didn't buy the bag to keep it locked up and preserved. Yes, I do expect that next year, I’ll buy another, and no, I’m still nowhere nearer to buying a house than the last time I bought a designer handbag. But hey, some people spend money on expensive holidays, and I spend money on expensive bags. I’m a big girl with my own mind and my own business, and I bought the bag to please myself - no-one else.

So here’s to the bag that’s "dead" because "every blogger" has bought it. Here’s to the bag that is a waste of money because I should be saving for something else. Here’s to the bag that will divide opinion and raise eyebrows and inevitably confuse, but here’s also to the bag that I fucking love and which I think looks sick.

Merry Christmas to moi.

  • Love this post and Love the bag! I’ve promised myself a treat to a designer bag next year so I feel you girl! You work hard, you deserve it and sod what anyone else thinks x

  • Stacey White

    I love this post. Also this bag is gorgeous and if you want to treat yourself then you should because you work to hard to worry about pleasing other people.

    Stacey x

  • OK it’s like I heard the Love Actually soundtrack in my head when reading this post, you are honestly so amazing and you my girl, DESERVE.

    I really relate to what you were saying about the judgements when it comes to buying a luxury item for yourself. I bought my wedding shoes last month and after saving for months & months I finally got to treat myself to the designer shoes I’ve always wanted. And guess what, I was greeted with “how much did you pay for that??”, “That’s so ridiculous, you won’t even see them” ,”Oh I could never!” It’s just like 1. I find it intrusive when people ask how you can afford things. We all spend our money differently/how we please no? 2. This is something that’s important to me, so not sure how my spending effects you… and 3. MIND YOUR BUSINESS SUSAN.
    I guess moral(s) of the story is do what makes you happy (hell, I’m so happy for you, seriously! lol) and please everyone just stay in your own financial lane.

    This was a bit of a rant ey? But seriously, amazing post, it’s a fucking beautiful bag and you deserve x

  • Steph Coulton

    Merry Christmas to you Chloe. Enjoy the new bag, it’s bloody beautiful.

  • Buy the bag and enjoy it. It’s for you and you shouldn’t have to explain any purchases. Pressures are weird.

  • I love this, so many bloggers wear the latest bag, or shoes or whatever and it all feels a bit, frivolous at times?

    Thank you for being honest with us all about your thoughts on this!

    Fran x

    http://www.joieandthevivre.com

  • Kara1818

    Fucking loved this post, I grew up in the town you live in, single parent council house same as you. My husband and I now live in Surrey and work hard for our things. I agree with you 100% about the disclosing of the price to anyone it just seems to go completely one way or the other. One way it’s you do work very hard for your money why not have a treat and on the other side it’s like I’ve sold part of my soul and how could I ever spend that kind of money it’s totally outrageous. As I said to someone the other day I could be spending it on far worse. xx

  • Lea H

    oh it’s so beautiful – I think I’ve never seen this colour combination with this bag. Just so lovely and it’s just so nice t treat yourself every now and then especially if it’s with such a bag!
    lea, xx
    http://asnippetoflife.com

  • Love this post Chloe! You write so well, every post is a joy to read. Also, thank you for finally pointing out that just because many a blogger owns a designer bag (and has every right to – you treat yo self to whatever the hell you want), it isn’t exactly average. I, like you said, get kinda tired of hearing influencers talk about just how ‘affordable’ something is because it’s under £100, or say that they’ll wear it loads so ‘the cost per wear is actually really low’ (doesn’t help if it’s a grand in the first place does it?); I think some just lose a sense of reality about what actually is and isn’t ‘affordable’. Or maybe that genuinely has always been their norm, who knows (certainly isn’t mine lol). I think people just need to get their heads round the fact that we all want to spend our money in different ways – I wouldn’t personally buy a Gucci bag if I had the money, but that doesn’t mean I think you shouldn’t. Sounds like it’s more about what the bag means to you in terms of a reward for hard work than the actual bag itself (although it is a v nice bag) – and that is priceless, so people need to just mind their own business.
    Enjoy your bag and Christmas!
    Lily Kate x
    jolihouse.com

  • Thank you so much for writing this. So many bloggers show off numerous bags in the thousands of dollars like they’re nothing, but I appreciate how honest you are about this. It’s a lovely bag!

    Stephanie
    https://une-cherette.com

  • I looove this bag! You’ve worked hard and it’s up to you (and only you) what you decide to spend it on! Love how honest you’re being about it, it can be tough to see some bloggers talk about insanely expensive pieces like it’s the norm (maybe it is for them) but at the end of the day if you have the money and want it, what is the big deal? We shouldn’t have to justify what we spend our own money on. Have a lovely Christmas! xx

    Summer, http://www.thetwinswardrobe.com

  • Loved reading this post!! It’s so nice to read such an honest post like this – Everything you’ve said is SO real & I definitely see where you’re coming through with what you say. Amazing read hun!!

    Claire | http://www.clairemac.co.uk

  • Julie

    I’m feeling this post SO BADLY. I’ve experienced the same feelings when I bought my Gucci bag. And know I just learned what quality is, even though it comes with a price.

  • Cheers to that, lovely and Merry Christmas! 🥂x

  • Adeline B.

    Just think about the pleasure you have to own this bag, what it means to you and the fact that you deserve it. Nothing else. I can get why you would feel a little “bad” because you know what it’s like to struggle because of money and that the cost of it is a salary but you choose to buy it, and every person should be able to do what they want (as long as is doesn’t harm anyone in the process, which the buy of a bag doesn’t) without having to justify 🙂 Enjoy your gift to yourself.
    That was an honest post (as always) <3

    https://i-think-its-today.blogspot.com/

  • She’s a classic this bag. Well done, don’t feel guilty, you deserve it. Besides we all might die tomorrow, so why not enjoy some of the rewards of our hard work RIGHT NOW. I just spent a nauseating amount of money on new camera equipment so my stomach is churning in the same way I feel yours was as you wrote this post. BUT NO GUILT. NOOOO GUILT.

  • suuuuuch beautiful a bag! much prefer it in the black like yours <3 it's always good to treat yourself, but love that you stay humble/grateful/what ever you wanna call it!

    Laura | roseandweston.blogspot.co.uk

  • Well done for working so hard that you can now treat yourself to a beautiful bag here and there. You’re right, YOU put the work in and you made the scary decision to be self-employed which is honestly applaudable! People will always judge, but only for a short while and then something else will catch their fickle attention. Enjoy your bag, it is beautiful.

    Iqra | The Blushing Giraffe x


LATESTS VIDEOS

Read previous post:
How I Pull Myself Out Of a Creator’s Funk

One of the questions I get asked the most is “how do you know what to write about?” The short...

Close