I’m sure you’re aware from my shameless Instagram binge-uploads and sickening Twitter smugness that I recently spent a few days sunning it up in Corfu. Hannah and I spent our time doing, well, pretty much nothing, which was a welcome break from work deadlines and new house dramas. We lounged by the pool, drank our body-weight in diet Pepsi and watched crappy TV in bed whilst nursing tiny cups of tea – it was the ultimate relaxation break, and I’m very very happy about that (despite being burnt to an absolute crisp).
One of the things we lolled about is the things we all seem to do on holiday, my favourite of which is the unwelcome and terrifying thought that you might be a crime-mogul without knowing it and, as you approach airport security, that you’re sure to be found out. In the spirit of things I’ve picked out 10 other things we all seem to do on holiday, all equally as laughable and bizarre in their nature. Pop your faves in the comments below or find me over on social @chloeplumstead, and if you’re heading off on holiday any time soon, ENJOY!
1. Overpack…“Five evening outfits for a three night trip isn’t too much, right? I mean, I need to have choices…” Overpacking is a rite of passage for any holiday, especially if you’re a blogger and you’re looking to get those Pinterest-worthy outfit pictures whilst you’re away. God Forbid you should miss a content opportunity, after all. Somehow I always overpack the least practical things ever – this trip, for example, I had four pairs of shoes and four pairs of sunglasses. I literally didn’t have enough days to wear them all, but they went in the suitcase nonetheless!
2…and somehow under pack too. And yet in the same process, I somehow managed to under pack as well. I literally wore the same outfit down to breakfast and dinner every day, because I just wanted to be comfortable and I couldn’t be bothered with taping up my boobs in one of my low-cut, “evening wear” numbers (hint hint, this green jumpsuit is one of them). A few extra plain t-shirts and a pair of easy-wearing denim shorts would have been a God send, but alas, the restaurant staff will have to go on thinking I only have one single outfit at my disposal.
3. Panic at airport security that you’re an international drug lord without you even realising. “Okay, all my liquids are in my little plastic bag, I’m oka – crap, am I allowed to bring tweezers? Do they count as a weapon? Oh my god what if someone has put something in my case whilst I was distracted by that bargain bag of Cadburys chocolate? What if they detain me? Do I have drugs?! What if I’ve accidentally picked up somebody else’s passport? Is this even my flight? Am I even in the right airport? AM I GOING TO PRISON?!” If you haven’t experienced this blind panic every time you even get close to airport security and passport control, have you even holidayed though?
4. Forget toothpaste (and a toothbrush). What is it about all hotels that they’ll gladly provide body milk and earbuds, but they never, ever have any toothpaste? Seriously, if you know the reason for this then do tell me because I’m genuinely curious. Without fail, I always manage to forget to bring toothpaste. This trip I also forgot my toothbrush (I remembered three different types of foundation though, of course), and had to do an emergency dip into the Boots at Gatwick before boarding our departing flight. And you know what? When I head to Rome in June, it’s almost guaranteed that I will forget both all over again.
5. Repeatedly overindulge in food and drink. I ain’t even sorry about this one because holidays are for TREATING YO’ SELF. This trip both breakfast and dinner were laid out buffet style, so my evening ritual when dessert time rolled around was to pile my plate up with one of everything and just go on a tasting tour of the sweet table. Each night a winner was selected, and each night I left feeling bloated and ready to throw up. But hey! What are holidays for if you can’t guiltlessly chow down on pizza and chips for a casual poolside snack?
6. Forgo sun lotion because “I don’t seem to be tanning” and burn to a crisp. As I sit here, legs crossed in my plane seat, ocean whizzing past me out of the window and leisurely debating what food I will pick up from the station before my train home, my body is. on. fire. The reason? On our final full day I decided that since I wasn’t tanning very quickly, I was going to forgo the sun lotion and just let mother nature do her work. Well, she did. She did it very well. From forehead down I’m now sporting a beautiful shade of crimson, radiating heat at a temperature greater than the sun. I forced Hannah to repeatedly moisturise my back in a desperate attempt to avoid peeling, and I know, in my heart of hearts, that this will happen all over again during my next holiday. Why do I never learn?
7. Turn every hotel room into a bomb site. I take the term “make yourself at home” very literally when I’m staying in a hotel. And it’s mostly unintentional – something absurd happens as soon as I walk in the door and it’s as if my suitcase opens itself up and the clothes come flying out, Beauty and the Beast style. In reality I just let my messiness run wild, and I know, in turn, that the cleaning staff absolutely hate me. This also leads to a desperate panic as soon as it comes time to leave, and I realise that I have no idea where any of my crap is, how I’m managed to accumulate more stuff and how in fresh hell, I’m going to get it all packed away again.
8. Lose your shit if you find somebody who is from a place even remotely close to your home town. “You’re from where?! I know that place! That’s near me…ish. Do you know somebody called – ?” When you’re away, finding someone who lives in a place even remotely near your home town feels like catching the golden snitch during a hot and heavy match of Quidditch. In your head you’re thinking two things – “what are the bloody chances?!”, as well as “oh my God, wherever I go this place follows me”. Granted, some instances are more spectacular than others; if you’re heading to Zante for a ladz ladz ladz holiday, then, odds are, you’ll bump into someone you distantly know – if you’re trekking through the Sahara desert with nothing more than a water supply and a camel, then yeah, bumping into Sue from the Co-Op in Sudbury is probably quite extraordinary.
9. Miss tea. Why is there never any tea?
Rosy lea. Builders tea. A hot cup of love. The British is strong in you young one, and no matter where you go, the tea is never going to be as good as the brew you make in the comfort of your own home. Lamenting the lack of a kettle in your room or access to a PG Tips is a standard ritual to any holiday abroad, and if you don’t at least one utter the words “Corrr, I could really do with a good cup of tea”, then can you really claim to be a fan of the hot stuff?
10. Ration off plug usage because only one person remembered a converter.
There is no greater tragedy than going to plug your phone in after a long journey and seeing the different-pins-of-despair. You pull your phone out of your bag, feel smug that you remember to pack your charger (because you usually don’t), saunter on over to the plug and your world comes crashing down. Suddenly watering your crops on FarmVille seems like the least of your worries – you must locate a converter at all costs! Naturally this leads to rationing off plug usage as only one person will have been clever enough to remember one, along with trying to use your phone as little as possible so you still have juice left for a gloating-Insta upload later in the evening.
11. Spend the plane ride home getting desperate last minute out-of-the-window-wing photos for the ‘gram. This is definitely one for the millennial generation – I’m not sure I would have caught my Nan craning across seats to get to the plane window, just so she could get that final 1×1 shot of the wing over the blue sea (although, saying that, my Grandad used to video tape our whole holidays, including a guided tour of the rooms and an introduction to each of the grandchildren – I guess you could say he was the OG vlogger??). When it comes time to bid the summer sun (or winter wonders, depending on where you are) adieu, how many of us can be found, clogging up our phone memory with final #HolidayDone snaps? In fact, I wonder just how many photos there are of an EasyJet orange tipped-wing floating around the internet (that I too have contributed to countless times, of course)?…
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